


Lady Mercy Won't Be Home Tonight

by OrianDCate



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Rewrite, Demon's Run, Episode AU: s06e11 The God Complex, Episode: s06e10 The Girl Who Waited, Episode: s06e11 The God Complex, Episode: s06e13 The Wedding of River Song, F/M, Fields of Trenzalore, Post Demon's Run, Post-Trenzalore, Rory Williams is the Master, Time War (Doctor Who), flowchart
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:02:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25554772
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OrianDCate/pseuds/OrianDCate
Summary: "The Man Who Lies will lie no more, when this Man lies at Trenzalore." Trenzalore. Where the Doctor dies; where the Doctor is buried. Forever and always. But to a Time Lord, death can have more than one meaning. And to be buried can sometimes mean to be forgotten. Rory as the Master, and the implications it has for the universe.
Relationships: Amy Pond/Rory Williams, Eleventh Doctor/River Song, The Doctor/River Song, The Master/Amy Pond (Doctor Who), Twelfth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23
Collections: Doctor Who Fanfics





	1. We Are The Champions My Friend

I own nothing. Least of all this.

* * *

_“Here we stand, here we fall,_

_History don’t care at all,_

_Make the bed, light the light,_

_Lady Mercy won’t be home tonight._

_You don’t waste no time at all;_

_Don’t hear the bell, but you answer the call._

_Comes to you, as to us all,_

_Then its time for the hammer to fall.”_

_\- Queen_

1) WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIEND

The battle was over.

But the war was just beginning.

And it would be a war. Rory had absolutely no doubt of that. He would burn anyone and everyone in his path, just to get his perfect little girl back. River’s speech had been nothing more than that; a speech. Regret did no one any good now; especially not the Doctor. The damage was done. The weapon was armed. And even if there was a self-destruct button, Rory wasn’t sure he could bring himself to push it.

His beautiful, precious, _perfect_ little girl. No. He would _never._

But to the others? To the ones that had taken her, the ones that would twist her?

They would hear the drums of war, loud and clear. Coming for _them._ And they would learn that there was yet one Centurion of Rome who still marched to the beat.

One two three four. One two three four.

His vision of the fate that lay in store for the Silence was interrupted by the Doctor calling his name. “…and on my _life,_ she will be safe!”

**“On _your_ life, Doctor?”**

The voice seemed to melt the very air around it in its intensity. Rory could’ve sworn the temperature of Demons’ Run went from ‘chilly asteroid base’ to ‘boiling volcano fortress’ in the blink of an eye.

**“On _your_ life? Don’t make me laugh. I think its safe to say that everyone here is well-acquainted with just how often you attempt to throw away your pathetic existence for the mere chance to save something even _more_ pathetic; so please, don’t pretend your life is anywhere near precious enough for you to swear on. And safe? Hardly. She hasn’t been safe since the minute she was so much as an _idea;_ much less a living, breathing, person. For that matter, _none_ of the people who’s lives you touch are safe for very long, if indeed they ever were.”**

A hooded figure, draped in a long flowing black coat, seemed to glide from the shadows into the light. As it came to a stop beside River, Rory couldn’t help but notice that the voice had now taken on the quality of lightning; he almost fancied he could see the sparks fly under the figure’s lowered hood.

The Doctor’s eyes were now bouncing rapidly back and forth between River and the shadow, his hands trembling as he rubbed them together. “River? Who’s your…friend?”

“Well sweetie, that’s a bit of a long story, even for you. In fact, to tell it properly, I’d imagine I’d need something along the lines of a flowchart.”

The figure’s head bounced slightly. Was…was he _laughing?_

“So let’s just say…he’s the rather useful fellow who was kind enough to get me out of Stormcage just in time for this. I couldn’t exactly call you for a ride; and Vortex Manipulators are rather hard to come by. Especially in prison. And I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”

The Doctor swallowed. “And just how much did his…kindness…cost?”

River merely pursed her lips in reply. “Spoilers.”

The Doctor took a step forward. “River…”

The figure copied the Doctor’s move, now standing directly between him and River. **“Didn’t you hear her, fish fingers? She said spoilers. You would do well to listen.”**

The Doctor froze on the spot. “…What did you say?”

**“Fish fingers, raggedy man. Fish fingers…and custard, I believe it was.”**

“How…how did you know that?”

The figure waggled a finger. **“Ah, ah, ah, ah, Doctor. Wrong question. Then again, that always been a nasty habit of yours. Asking the wrong questions over, and over, and over again, until its just this side of being too late to ask the right one. No; _here’s_ the question you should be asking, Doctor, _here’s_ what you should really be worried about: just why, exactly, did the Silence decide to take _her?_ You said it yourself; you just can’t _cook_ yourself a Time Lord. The DNA for that has to come from _somewhere,_ and I’m quite certain they didn’t take it from you. So tell me, Doctor, just where _did_ it come from?”**

Vastra spoke for the first time since the shadow’s appearance. “The Time Vortex; the TARDIS in flight; this was the first time…”

The figure waved her off. **“Yes, yes, I’m quite sure that’s the first time anything like _that_ has ever happened aboard a TARDIS. Any TARDIS. I’m absolutely _positive_ nothing of that sort has _ever_ occurred in recorded history. If it had, I’m quite sure the Time Lords would have experimented on it; left behind accounts on the circumstances and results. Just the sort of thing your old friend the Rani would have enjoyed, Doctor. Tell me, Doctor, did the records of Gallifrey not so much as even _mention_ anything like this ever happening?”**

The Doctor’s hands were clenched into fists now. “…No.”

**“No. And do you know why? Because its just. Completely. _Impossible._ That’s not how it works, and you know it. So, I’m afraid we’re right back where we started. Just _where_ did all that lovely Time Lord DNA come from?”**

“…You?”

The figure recoiled in disgust. **“Abso- _lute-_ ly not. Wrong. So wrong. I can’t even begin to describe to you just how wrong that is.”**

River elbowed the figure in the side. “I don’t think he meant what you think he meant, sweetie.”

**“…Oh. Well that’s okay then. But you’re still wrong.”**

“Then _how?! Tell me_! Even if there’s a perfectly good reason you don’t feel like I deserve to know, please, for Amy and Rory’s sake…”

**“Ooo, low blow Doctor. Using your companions as ammunition? Never mind, that’s exactly what I’d expect from you. Amy and…Rory, was it? The Ponds. The _parents._ Domestic bliss, not so much. Have you told them yet, Doctor? Have you told them what they’ve done to your precious _Amelia?_ The little girl who waited for you oh so long, only for you to let her down. Again. Do they know?”**

Fear. Crashing, burning, _drumming_ through Rory’s head. “…Doctor? What…what did they do? What did they do to…to Amy?”

**“Oh, that’s a shame. It seems the Doctor would’ve been perfectly happy to fly off once again, leaving the consequences of his actions to be dealt with another day. And to answer your question, _Mister_ Pond, what they’ve done to Amy…did you really think they were just _keeping_ her here, waiting for what was to come? You can’t ‘cook up a Time Lord’ growing inside something else without affecting that something in one way or another. Amy, your sweet, precious, beautiful Amy…she’s part Time Lord now, too. But not enough for longer life or regeneration, oh no, they couldn’t afford that at all. Only a few things here and there…such as how she can no longer have human children.”**

The fear was gone now. Anger had replaced it. And soon, there would be _suffering._

**“The only way for the lovely Miss Amy Pond to have children now…is if Time Lord DNA makes up the other half, so to speak. I imagine the Doctor would have rather taken that particular secret to his grave than ever have you learn of it. Of what it could mean.”**

The suffering had come. Just not to whom he had wished.

Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

One two three four. One two three four.

“Rory…Rory look at me…”

Amy. Oh Amy.

Her eyes, her absolutely gorgeous eyes…they were blurry.

A perfect match for his own.

Through the tears, they looked like they were shining.

No, not shining. Burning.

“Rory…hey…its gonna be okay…Rory, its gonna be okay…the Doctor will fix it. He’ll fix it. Doctor? Tell him. Tell him you’ll fix it.”

The Doctor’s silence was the only answer Rory needed to hear.

“Two thousand years. Two thousand years, I waited. And I’d do it all over again, just to keep you safe. I will _always_ wait for you, Amy. But you don’t need me anymore. If you ever did. He can’t fix it, because there’s nothing to fix. This is the universe, saying ‘Your part’s over now, Rory. Time for someone else to take the stage.’”

There were trails running down Amy’s face now. “No…no Rory…I won’t leave you…I can’t…”

“You can, and you will.”

**“Actually, the both of you are only half right. She _can,_ that’s true. But she won’t. At least, she won’t, _if_ you do just one, tiny little thing for me, Rory Williams. Just one little thing, and the both of you can have it all back. All of time and space, and a family to share it with, if you so desire.”**

The Doctor snapped his head up. “And just what _is_ this ‘little thing’, eh? A trick? A trap? Are you working with the Silence? Do you want him to kill me? Because I’ll be more than glad to let him do it, if you swear to me it’ll give them back what I let be taken.”

**“Always the theatrics with you, Doctor. I don’t think you’ve turned down a chance to be dramatic in your life. Whether this thing ends up killing you or not…well, I suppose that’ll be up to Rory here. Do I want you dead, Doctor? You have no idea. But not yet. And if there’s one thing I’ll swear to, its that I am no friend of the Silence. I really do want you to have your family back, Rory Williams. All of it.”**

Rory squared his shoulders. “Right. This thing…don’t suppose you’ll tell me what it is before I say yes, will you?”

**“But of course I will. River, if you would be so kind…”**

River nodded, and began to pull a chain from her belt. It glowed in the light, fire seeming to trace behind it. And attached to the end of the chain, dangling from River’s hand, was…

A watch.

One two three four, one two three four.

The Doctor’s face had frozen in an expression of horror. “No…”

**“Oh yes, Doctor. This… _this_ is the answer to the question you should have been asking. _This_ is where all of that lovely Time Lord DNA came from…and so much more besides.”**

Amy was tugging at the Doctor’s sleeve. “Doctor…Doctor, what is that?”

“It’s a…well it’s a…it’s a fob watch.”

“Yeah, I can see that, but what _is_ it?”

The Doctor seemed to sink into himself. “The Time Lords, they…they had a way of…hiding who they were. Of rewriting the entirety of their DNA, to any species they wanted. No memories from before the change, in case anyone came poking around in peoples’ heads looking for them. And all that they had been, every single life and memory they’d lived…was kept in one of those. So that when the danger passed…they could live as themselves again.”

“And…that’s good, yeah? Another Time Lord? We could use one of those right about now…”

The Doctor’s voice had dissolved into a whisper. “Don’t you see, Amy? Rory…all that he is, all that he ever was…Rory Williams…he doesn’t exist.”

“…What.”

“…And I’m not entirely sure that he ever did.”

Silence.

Clapping.

**“Bravo, Doctor. Took you long enough. Honestly, I thought you would’ve figured it out after the Pandorica. I mean, really. Two thousand years, without going completely mad? Human minds were never meant to last that long; but a Time Lord’s mind…to them, two thousand years might as well be tea and biscuits. And just how were the Silence supposed to be able to get their hands on Time Lord juice unless it was already present in some capacity? Just a minor fault in the Chamaeleon Arch, and presto! Just enough Time Lord left in him to guarantee his brains wouldn’t be leaking out of his ears by this point.”**

Rory recognized that look. The Doctor was gone, now. All that was left was the Oncoming Storm. He jabbed a finger in the figure’s direction and spat. _“YOU!”_

**“Yes, me. But to be fair, he did ask for it. And it really was necessary. Necessary then…but no longer. So, Rory Williams…will you become what you what once were, in order to save the family you could have?”**

The Doctor opened his mouth. “No, Rory…!”

And Amy slapped her hand over it.

“Rory…Rory, don’t listen to him. This is your choice…this is _you…_ only you get to decide. Time Lords…they can live for centuries. Our _daughter_ will live for centuries. But I won’t. I’m still human, Rory. But I’ll gladly spend the rest of my life with you. And there’s nothing I would love more than to have a family with you. Now...choose.”

Choose. Easy for her to say. How on Earth was he supposed to choose?

His daughter, growing up alone, twisted and tortured because he hadn’t been _strong_ enough to save her. He could save her…the Silence never _dreamed_ they’d have to fight _two_ Time Lords. He could have his _family_ back…but not forever. He’d outlive Amy…in a way, he supposed he already had. Twice now.

And maybe, just maybe, if there was already a bit of Time Lord in her…he could find a way. _They_ could find a way.

“…I’ll do it.”

“Rory, no…!”

_CLUNK._

The Doctor fell to the ground. Vastra stood over him, his blood dripping from the pommel of her sword. “He won’t be out for long. If you truly wish to do this…do it quickly.”

Rory swallowed, and nodded. Slowly, as if in a dream, he inched forward, his hand outstretched…

The watch settled into his palm. As if it had always meant to be there.

He could feel it, now. More strongly than he ever had before. The light, the fire, the burning, the _drumming…_

It was Time.

Time, in all of its glory.

The moment had come.

The watch clicked open.

_FIRE._

_ASH._

_DRUMS._

_SCREAMS._

_LIGHTS._

_AND IT ALL…_

_BURRRRRRRRRRNED._

* * *

One two three four, one two three four.

Ah, it was good to hear his heartbeats again!

“WHOAH! Head rush! Two thousand years will give you such a crick in the neck! Now, where were we?”

His eyes darted around the room, until they happened to land on…

“RIVER!”

He bounded forward and wrapped his left arm around her shoulders. “Daughter dearest! How _are_ you!”

River smiled sickly. “Glad to have you back too, Dad.”

“Of course you are. Why shouldn’t you be? Ooo, and you’ve brought our mutual friend along as well! Is it my birthday?”

The figure’s hood finally dropped as he leaned into the offered hug. “Well technically…”

“Hush you, I was being rhetorical.”

“…. _WHAT?!!!”_

Ah yes, he was wondering how long it would take Amy to remember she could yell like a Scot. Or was it a ginge?

“She’s your _daughter?”_

“Technically _our_ daughter. Or so I’m told. Amy, meet the absolutely fantastic little causer of chaos our Melody grew up to be: Professor River Song, Archaeologist.”

“Ooo, I’m going to be a Professor some day? Spoilers!”

He grinned. “Quite. Now, down to business.”

A groan came from somewhere on the ground. Or rather, someone.

“…Starting with _that_.”

He bounced across the room, kicking the downed Doctor directly in the ribs. “Up and at ‘em, lazy bones! We got things to do, people to kill! Or is that people to do and things to kill? I always get those two mixed up…”

A rattling cough shook the Doctor’s frame. “What…who…”

“Well, if I were being dramatic, I’d say that the ‘what’ was ‘your worst nightmare’, but somehow, I just don’t think that would be quite appropriate. As to the who…let’s see just how long it takes you to work it out. But first!”

He whirled back to face River and the…other one. “I suppose you two kids will be off now?”

River smiled. “Like you said, Dad; things to do, people to kill.”

“Or the other way round, if you prefer. Take care of yourselves; if either of you died, I’d imagine I’d have to kill you.”

The man in the coat snorted. “I’d like to see you try.”

He couldn’t resist grinning. “Oh believe me, I feel much the same…”

River rolled her eyes. “When you two are quite done….come along, sweetie. Oh, and Dad…try not to hurt the poor Doctor any more than you have to. We do actually need him later on, remember?”

He waved her off. “Yes, yes, of course, I’m well aware. And I don’t really want to hurt him. Not now, at least. Give it awhile, and I’m sure we’ll be at each other’s throats again. Just like old times!”

The Doctor wheezed. “Old…times?”

River began typing something into her Vortex Manipulator. “And that’s our cue to leave. Bye all! And thanks for all the fish!”

There was a flash of blue light, and when it dimmed, both River and the other were gone

He rubbed his hands together. “ _Now_ the real fun begins.”

“Old…times?”

“Are you still harping on that? Come _on_ Doctor; that was a whole fifteen seconds ago! Really, I thought you would’ve moved on by now. Then again, you never were the fastest in the Academy…”

The Doctor’s eyes widened in realization.

“…But you always got there in the end.”

“No…it can’t…you…you _died….”_

“I got better.”

He reached down, and hauled the Doctor to his feet by the scruff of his neck. “Can you say it now, Doctor? Can you same my name aloud, for everyone to hear? To tell them; to let them know exactly the sort of man and or monster you’ve allowed in their midst for all this time?”

For a long moment, it seemed as though he would say nothing at all.

And then…

“… _Master…”_

“Very good; top marks, Doctor! You go to the head of the class.”

The Doctor’s body hit the ground once more as he dropped it.

Vastra’s voice quivered in fear. “…No…no, it can’t be you…”

“Ah! So you’ve heard of me, then.”

Vastra nodded shakily. “The Doctor…he told me…he said he was the last of his species…he said you were _dead.”_

“Rule one, my dear: the Doctor lies. And to the rest of you who have absolutely no idea who I am: I _’_ m the _Master_. I’m a Time Lord. I’m from the planet Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I am over three thousand years old, and I am going to burn the entirety of this universe to the ground to get my family back. Anyone got a problem with that?”

He took their silence as answer enough.

He stooped, and swept the Doctor up into a fireman’s carry. “In that case…”

He snapped his fingers.

The TARDIS doors swung open.

“Avante!”


	2. And We'll Keep On Fighting Til The End

I own nothing. Least of all this.

_This fic is gonna be a little experiment of mine. Each chapter is gonna be told from a different person’s perspective, and unless the situation desperately calls for it, each chapter will also be self-contained within a specific DW episode. Today, that episode just so happens to be “Let’s Kill Hitler”, as told from Amy’s POV. Catch you on the flip side; Toodles!_

2) AND WE’LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TIL THE END

So, this was what shock felt like.

Amy had expected to feel a great many things after they’d dropped Jenny, Vastra, and Strax back in London. After she’d had a moment to actually process what the hell had just happened.

Anger, grief, denial, pain…all perfectly ordinary responses. But since when had Amy Pond ever done something ordinary? As it was, the only feeling currently drowning her in its embrace was that of…nothingness.

Empty. Hollow. Numb.

Shock; it had to be shock.

The Doctor had lost. He had fought so hard to get them back, the both of them. And in the end…he had failed. He’d failed them all.

In her case, his failure had been his silence. He had known something was off, known since that day at Cape Canaveral. And he had said _nothing._ And now, it was too late. The damage was already done.

With River…all of them had failed her, in one way or another. But none more than the Doctor. He was the whole reason she’d been taken; the reason she’d been made into what she was. Her daughter…her beautiful, perfect, amazing baby…gone.

For a moment, she found herself wishing River had aimed a few inches below the Stetson. It would’ve saved them all a lot of pain in the days to come.

The Doctor’s failure hadn’t just been limited to those around him; he had failed himself as well. River had made that perfectly clear. The Doctor; Wise Man, Healer…and apparently, Mighty Warrior. That wasn’t what the Doctor was supposed to be; that wasn’t what the name meant at all. But the Gamma Forests believed it was. What other meanings had the name ‘Doctor’ taken on throughout the universe?

The Doctor had gone to his death at Lake Silencio willingly. Perhaps this was why…

And Rory…oh, Rory…

He was bouncing around the TARDIS console now. Flipping switches, spinning wheels, flicking levers. Like a kid in a candy store. Or a soldier in an armory.

She should have realized; they all should have. Two thousand years, and not a scar to show for it? He’d known the TARDIS was another dimension, from the moment he first saw the inside. He’d never doubted her about the Doctor growing up, not even for a second. Why would he have, when some part of him already knew everything there was to know about the mad man in a box? Was that the real reason he’d stuck with her for so long, when he could’ve so obviously done better? Waiting, not just for her, but for the only other living member of his species in existence.

Rory…her stupid, perfect Rory…was dead. And the man, the _Time Lord,_ standing in front of her, was wearing his corpse.

Oh, fantastic. Here came the tears.

Still no blubbering, though. Good. She would rather die than bawl in front of…of Them.

The Doctor was out cold again. Ro…The _Master_ had taken the opportunity to tie him to the TARDIS ramp railing. Thinking back, she probably should’ve asked why…if she hadn’t been afraid the answer would just make things worse.

Worse. If such a thing was even possible.

The Master jerked his hand away from a sparking plug. “Oi! No need for that! I’ve already apologized for that whole business with the Toclafane; twice, from my point of view. I know where we need to go; and _you_ know that I know. So, please, from the bottom of my hearts, just go along with it.”

The console spat more sparks at him.

“Fine! You wanna be like that? That’s it; I’m getting the mallet! Now, where did Sandshoes throw it; I was sure he had one around here somewhere…”

The big lever flipped downwards of its own accord, jerking the floor and sending the Master sprawling. Amy probably would’ve laughed, if she’d been able.

The Master grunted as he hauled himself to his feet. “Oh sure, _he_ whacks on you all he likes yells at you to behave, and nothing. _I_ so much as threaten it, and you throw a tantrum. Typical. Please at least tell me we’re going the right direction? Not that I don’t trust you or anything, cause I totally don’t.”

The TARDIS responded by splatting a large glob of ketchup all over his face.

This time, Amy did laugh.

The Master whirled to face her. “Oh sure, laugh it up. Women, teaming up against me. Story of my life. Where’s the bloody towels?”

He hands bumped around under the console, finally emerging once more with the desired objects. “Eureka!”

He immediately began wiping the ketchup away. “I hope you realize, of course, that each and every bit of this mess is going directly down your exhaust…”

The last of the towels dropped to the ground. The Master’s face contorted into a look that Amy could only describe as ‘awe’. Now why…?

Oh…the display. The TARDIS had turned it off. Now, it was nothing more than a mirror. The Master’s reflection was staring directly back at him.

It was a reflection he had probably never seen before.

Slowly, his hand reached out to touch it.

With a violent shove, the display went spinning around the console. The Master seemed to collapse, resting both of his arms on the controls.

Amy lasted exactly fifteen seconds before tiptoeing forward. “…Master?”

A laugh. “You’d think so, wouldn’t you?”

“…What?”

He spun to face her, gesturing wildly. “This, all of this, all of _me…_ by rights, that’s exactly what it should be. Just me. Me, myself and I. But it’s just…not.”

His fist banged against the console. “IT’S NOT!”

There was silence.

He gave a sigh. “Still, could be worse. The nose is a bit much, but its better than ears. Or heaven forbid, a chin. I’m not sure I could’ve lived with a chin; can you imagine how stupid I would’ve looked with a beard? Oh…a beard…I said I was gonna grow one of those, remember? Of course you remember…back on that pirate ship, all those pirates with their brilliant beards…well of course _I’d_ think that; beards have always been sort of my thing. That settles it; definitely growing a beard. I’ll have to do something about the hair…frankly, it’s a bit ridiculous. Thank Gallifrey I didn’t _actually_ grow out that pony tail; probably would’ve died of embarrassment.”

Amy’s voice sounded extremely small, even to her. “…I liked it.”

He snorted. “Of course you did; you were the one that gave it to me.”

“… _I_ gave to you?”

“Naturally. He got it wrong, you know. The Doctor. That whole bit with the psychic pollen. The Dream Lord was never him; the whole idea was ridiculous.”

“…Who was he, then?”

His smile would’ve looked right at home on a crocodile. “Why, _me,_ of course. Don’t tell me that whole debacle didn’t seem a bit off to you; one dream yours, one dream mine, and the Doctor right in the middle. Too convenient. No, it was much, much simpler than that. The dream on the TARDIS, cold star, power draining? I thought for sure he would’ve recognized that one; it was some of my best work in the war. Reversing the polarity of an entire sun, just to keep the Daleks from activating a Star Forge. Then again, its not like he paid much attention to anyone else back then. For all his talk of morals, he was always the best of us at hating the Daleks. And the Echondenes! One of his own, that time. Another planet he couldn’t save; this time from the Time Lords themselves. Did he notice? Did he care? Nope!”

The word popped at the end. “Of course not! To the Doctor, everyone’s an innocent bystander, but to the Other one? In the end, it was all gonna burn anyway, so what was the difference? He just wanted the war over as soon as possible, so he could let the Doctor back out to fix everything. And he’s done just a _fantastic_ job of that so far.”

He slapped himself in the face. “Right; side-tracked. Is this what it was like for him the fourth time round? It’d explain a lot…anyway, back to the point. The cold star dream…that was the Doctor’s. An eternity of travel, always on the edge of death, with friends at his side willing to die right along with him. And _yours_ …yours was the oh so sleepy town of Upper Leadworth, productions of _Oklahoma_ included. The Doctor popping round every now and then for tea, biscuits, and defense of the Earth. The perfect life.”

His voice broke. “…And Rory loved it. I could see it, in his eyes. In his mind. He was still me, after all. He wanted that, simply because it was what you wanted. That was enough for him. But not for me.”

“So you killed him.”

He scoffed. “Please. I merely…changed the variables in the equation. You chose the Doctor’s dream, and supposedly had a bunch of revelations about yourselves that I deliberately passed on. The only way you could keep Rory…was if you gave up the idea of a family. And out of all of my increasingly terrible decisions, doing that to you…is the one I regret the most. Can you guess why?”

She shook her head.

“Thought not. You know, I really should have seen it coming. You and Rory…you were meant for each other. Literally. I built him that way, after all.”

She stiffened. She’d been right…she _was_ right…she wasn’t gonna cry, she wasn’t gonna cry…

“But what I didn’t see coming was the bit in-between. Chinny boy said you were the Girl-Who-Waited; he forgot to mention I was the Boy-Who-Stayed. Two thousand years of memories…that’s longer than I’ve been alive, Amy. That’s enough experience to change anyone, even me. And it did.”

He stepped closer. “When I started this whole ridiculous affair, I thought…I thought at the end of it, I’d be mostly me, just with bits of my programmed personality buried under everything that I’d ever lived through. Mostly me, with just a tiny bit of Rory. But I got it wrong. I got it so very wrong.”

He was practically breathing on her now. “But I also got it so very _right.”_

And then they were kissing.

For just a moment, she was floating. And then hard, cold reality came rushing up to meet her feet once more.

She reeled back and slapped him. “No. Just, no. You don’t get to stand there and tell me you’re _sorry,_ and then that you’re not without an explanation.”

He rubbed his jaw. “Bloody women; why do I always get the feisty ones?”

“Explanation, now!”

“Fine then! Rory didn’t get buried under my memories; not by a longshot. If anything, the opposite is true. I’m not more Rory; Rory’s more _me._ I can still feel everything he felt, everything he _still feels._ Because its not just him that’s feeling it now. Its me. The Master, the worst renegade that Gallifrey’s ever produced, the man who’s burned entire civilizations to the ground just because his lunch bill was too high…and what’s done me in is my bloody emotions.”

She couldn’t breathe…she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

“Anger, I’ve always had that. If anything were gonna stop me, that’s what I’d have bet on. Fear, naturally. Fear of death, fear of the Doctor dying and leaving me alone, fear of the future, fear of the past. The Doctor likes to say he’s the one who ran away, and I was the one that went mad. He’s never let himself consider the fact that in both cases, it was fear that drove us. Greed, pride, hate, all that and more. But I never once dreamed that in the end, it would be _love_ that finally pushed me over the edge. By all rights, I should be furious. I should be bloody _enraged_ that for once, acting on instinct has trapped me better than any of the Doctor’s plans ever did. But I’m just…not. I can’t find it in myself to care. Cause in the end, I got what I wanted. What all of me’s wanted, from the first moment I ever saw you. And I swear to you, Amelia Pond; I’m never gonna leave you again. Whatever you do, wherever you go, I’ll always be there, right behind you.”

“…Bit creepy, that.”

“It…sounded better in my head, yeah. I meant it, though. Every word. I’m yours, Amy Pond. All of me. Rory Williams, the boy from Leadworth…and the Master, Time Lord of Gallifrey. From now, until the stars go out. I’ve hurt you; so _much._ Just by existing. And I can’t…I can’t stand that. I promise you, I’m gonna fix it. I’m gonna fix it _all._ We _will_ get our family back; we’ll get our _daughter_ back. And after that…whatever comes next…its all up to you. Whenever, wherever, whatever you want. I’ll do anything to make up for what I’ve done; anything at all. You just have to name it.”

She hated it. But she had to ask. “…Would you leave?”

For a split second, it was the old Rory standing in front of her. He just looked so utterly…lost. He swallowed. “Would…would you ask me to?”

“I…I don’t know, Rory. I just…you’re like the Doctor, right? All Time Lordy and stuff? Cause I know what that means for anyone who gets close to you. The Doctor told me; told me all about the past versions of him…and how long they lived for. I’m not gonna last forever, Rory. And…and if the day comes when things end for me, and you’re still around to watch…I can’t do that, Rory. The Doctor can pick up and move on, find someone new. But you…all of you…I think you might just burn the whole universe trying to get me back. And I don’t want that. Not for you.”

He moved to hold her hands in his own. “…Then I won’t. Not if you ask. But, leaving you…I’m…I just…”

“I know, Rory. I know. Me too.”

This time, she was the one doing the kissing. And Rory…the Master, whoever he was now…was kissing her back.

“There was a time when you would’ve given me nothing but grief for being that sentimental.”

The Master broke the kiss, but not the embrace. “Whatever gave you the idea that time had passed, Doctor? You know for a fact you’ve never been able to deal with your emotions without resorting to theatrics.”

“Says the man that blew up a lab full of other students’ final projects just to hide the fact you’d destroyed your own in a temper tantrum.”

“Well, yes, but what made it all worth it was the look on the Professor’s face when she realized she had no choice but to give your absolute abomination of an experiment a passing grade.”

“Touche. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to give me a hand? It seems as though I’m a bit tied-up at the moment.”

“Really, Doctor? You _do_ know puns are the lowest possible form of humor, right?”

“Well, considering I’m actually the least elevated person here, it seemed the reasonable way to go.”

“Funny. That’s funny. Now, despite all appearances Doctor, I’m as much here to help you as I am to help myself. Frankly, the only reason I agreed to this ridiculous plan at all was because I already know what your face looks like when you figure it out.”

“Plan? What pl…ohhhhhh. You’re from my future, aren’t you?”

The Master tapped his finger against his nose. “Spoilers, Doctor. It’s always the long way round for you. No shortcuts to the future. Well, except for this. See, you were in on this plan too, in a way. And to make sure that past you trusted me enough to not get in my way, he gave me an in. A phrase. One that every Time Lord in existence knew at one point…and then forgot. So, I’m here to make you remember…well, at least part of it.”

The Master leaned into the Doctor; Amy could see how the Doctor tried to recoil from it. For a moment, it seemed as though the Master would whisper in the Doctor’s ear, a secret for just the two of them to keep. But at the last possible second…

“Sorry Doctor. But Amy’s a part of this now. And she needs to see for herself. Soooo…”

Only three words.

Three small, nonsensical, _powerful_ words. That was all it took.

**“The Timeless Child.”**

Pain.

Something…something was shoving its way into Amy’s head. Something… _wrong._ This wasn’t like the Angel; that had been slow and steady. This was _fast._ A flash, a flare. An image, burned into her brain forever. And then…the something retreated. Almost as if…

Amy swallowed. As if had been asleep, all this time. And those three words had managed to wake it up just long enough to show her…whatever it had. It was asleep again, now. But it was still there. Buried within her. Somewhere.

And she wanted it _gone._

“What…what _was_ that?!”

“ _That,_ Doctor… _that…_ was the past. All of it. Every single line of Time Lord history, in a way. Look, Doctor.”

The Master grabbed his face and turned it toward her. “Do you see it now? _Can you_ , Doctor? I was right. She saw it too. Not as clearly as us, but she _saw it._ Not a trick. Not a trap. I would never, _could_ never, do that to her. Its in all of us, Doctor. Even our Amelia. _And it shouldn’t be.”_

It shouldn’t be. Amy’s head pounded. “Doctor…”

“She’s swaying, Doctor. She’s in _pain._ And the only way it stops…is if you do, exactly, what. I. Say. Understand?”

The Doctor glared. “Stops. Right. Nothing ever just _stops_ with you.”

“Cross my hearts, Doctor. And besides, _I’m_ not the one that stops it.”

“And I suppose you…”

“Spoilers, Doctor. That’s it. No more, no less. What you see is what you get. Literally. You follow my orders like a good little soldier for this one trip, and then you’re free and clear to deal with the issue however you like. I’ve got other fish fingers to fry.”

Amy could’ve sworn she saw lighting pass between the two. You could’ve lit up London with all that tension. Not much different from their usual interactions, then.

She couldn’t help it; she snorted.

They both turned to her with the _exact_ same expression on their faces. She really should keep a straight face; she really should…

Nope.

After about twenty seconds, she finally regained enough composure to point. “You…you…!”

In perfect sync, they looked at each other, and then back again, as if to say ‘Who, me?’

It was enough to set her off all over again.

She came up gasping for air. “My boys…my poncho boys…you haven’t changed a bit.”

The Doctor frowned at that. But the Master; the smile that lit his face was brighter than the sun.

Rory’s smile.

“Do it, Doctor.”

“…Amy?”

“Shut it, chin. You, are going to do, exactly, what, he, says. He’s from the future, Doctor. _Your_ future. He knows. And…and I trust him.”

The Master froze. Lost, lonely Rory. “…Really?”

“Of course, you stupid face. For better or worse, right?”

The Doctor snapped. “And which is it? Better or worse?”

She smiled back at…at Rory. “Better. Definitely better.”

Rory clapped his hands together. “Excellente! Boss’s orders, Doctor. Best listen to her. Oh, and you can stop pretending you and I haven’t the last few minutes untying and retying you to that rail.”

The Doctor’s hands came up in a wave. “What can I say? I was enjoying the banter.”

Rory snorted. “Oh, that’s good, considering.”

“Considering what?”

“Spoi…”

“…lers. Yeah, yeah, I got that.”

“Sorry. Old family tradition, you could say. Well, Doc? Do we do this the easy way…or the hard way?”

The look on his face when he finished rather gave Amy the impression he was hoping for ‘hard’. Truth be told, she was more than a bit curious as well to see exactly what the ‘hard way’ entailed.

Fortunately (or was that unfortunately?), the Doctor merely sighed and raised his hands in surrender. “Fine. One trip. You’re in charge. Heaven knows I’m going to regret this…”

“Oh, not just Heaven, Doctor. If we’re very, very lucky…Hell as well. Besides…”

Rory was back to flicking switches and spinning wheels.

“…Weren’t you the one that offered for me to pick the destination last time, if I’d just come with you? Chin up, Doctor. Today, I’m taking you up on that offer. But first…”

One more flip of a lever, and…

“WHAT?!”

“Its quite simple, Doctor. Oh excuse me, _Rory._ ” The now disguised Rory-as-the-Doctor said. “ _I_ am the only one who knows exactly where to find Melody. _Furthermore,_ I am also the only one who knows exactly what to expect once we get there. And _finally,_ once we catch up to our daughter dear, she will in all probability do something that may or may not result in something getting shot. And as much as I hate to admit it, we need you functional more than we need me for the bit that comes after. _So,_ until I tell you otherwise, I’m going to be you. And you…”

Rory-as-the-Doctor knelt down to look into The-Doctor-as-Rory’s eyes. “Are going to be me. If I can manage it for a few millennia, _surely_ you can do it for a few hours. _Right?”_

“…Fine.”

“Good. Now, get up. We can’t sit around here lollygagging all day, gotta keep a tight schedule.”

It was at this point that Amy’s mouth finally caught up with her brain. And the result was _loud._

“WHAT. THE HELL. IS _THAT!!!!!”_

“Simple math, my dear Amy. I’ve done the math, and sadly, I can afford to be fatally wounded far more than the Doctor can at this juncture. Never thought you’d run outta lives before me, eh Doctor?”

“Given the lengths you’ve gone to to gain more of them, I can’t honestly say I’m surprised.”

“Fair point.”

“Will you two stop. FOR ONE. BLOODY. SECOND. AND TELL ME. _WHAT IS GOING ON?!!!!”_

Rory grimaced and drilled a finger in his ear. “Blimey, there’s the Scot coming out. Long story short, we’re switching places. Just temporarily, mind you. Acting like dicky bow here for any longer than absolutely necessary isn’t exactly something I’m keen on, mind you.”

“I can assure you, the feeling’s mutual.”

“Now, I can appreciate that you’ve got questions Amy, but I’m afraid they’ll just have to wait ‘til we get our daughter back. Sorry, not. Now, if that’s all taken care of…En Avante!”

_VWORRP. VWORRP. VWORRP._

_BOM._

The Doctor was already swinging the display around. “Where’ve we landed?”

Rory immediately swung it back. “Just a quick pop back to Leadworth to grab some…essentials. Essentials that should be along right about…”

_SMASH!_

_SQUEEEEEEE!_

“…Now.”

“WHAT’VE YOU DONE TO…”

Rory slapped his hand over the Doctor’s mouth. “Remember the deal, old friend. For now, you’re me, and I’m you. And the TARDIS is perfectly fine, I assure you. Or at least, she will be. Now then…”

Rory took a step forward, and suddenly it was the Doctor standing in front of her, right down to the trademark grin when confronted with a delightful new puzzle. “Amy. Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?”

Friend? What fr…

Oh, _bollocks._

Climbing out of the driver’s side of the Trans-Am currently wedged in-between the doors of the TARDIS was the one person Amy was willing to bet had stolen it.

Mels.

“Oi, why don’t you watch where you’re going? I coulda left ‘em in the dust!”

The sirens in the distance left no doubt as to who the ‘them’ was.

“Now I’m goin’ to prison! Again!”

“Actually…” The fake Doctor stepped forward. “Yes to the going to prison bit, no to the leaving them in the dust. Well, I say yes and no, but I really mean no and yes. Long story, but basically, I’m from…”

Mels finished for him. “…the future, yeah I know. This is it, isn’t it? The phone box. The bigger on the inside phone box.”

The fake Doctor smiled. “Got it on one. Amy here just so happened to pick up tomorrow’s paper and, well, seeing as how the stolen car was found abandoned, there was really only one explanation. So…welcome aboard the TARDIS!”

“Right. Amy’s told me everything. Well, all except the bit about you being hot. But has she told you all about _me?_ ”

The fake Doctor said ‘of course’ just before Amy slapped the fake Rory to keep him from saying the opposite. Mels’ eyes flicked over to the two of them. “Ah, what did poor little Rory do to get on your bad side, Amy?”

Amy opened her mouth…

But the fake Doctor got there first. “I’m afraid Rory here was rather of the mind that a night in jail might actually be good for you, despite any and all past experiences to the contrary.”

Something flickered in Mels’ expression. “Did he really? In that case…”

A gun. Where the bloody hell had Mels gotten her hands on a _gun?_

“…Sorry Doc, but I really don’t want to go to prison.”

The fake Doctor shrugged. “Understandable. And after all, the paper _did_ say abandoned. Anywhere in particular you need a ride to?”

The barrel never wavered. “Hmm. Lets see. You’ve got a time machine; I’ve got a gun. What the hell; let’s kill Hitler.”

* * *

“That’s…Melody.”

“Yyyyyup.”

“That’s River Song.”

“Yyyyyyyyyup.”

“Who’s River Song?”

“…Spoilers.”

“Spoilers? What’s spoilers? …Hang on, just something I have to check.”

“…Is anyone else finding this day just a bit difficult?”

“…Nah. So…” The fake Doctor leapt from his spot on the desk. “Time to switch back. From here on out, everything’s your show, Doctor. Well, almost everything. And you don’t have long.”

All three of them glanced in the direction River Song had gone.

Back-to-normal Rory tossed the Doctor a handful of bullets. “…You’d better get ready.”

“Doctor? Doctor, what’s wrong? What’s she done?”

“Poisoned me. But I’m fine. Well, no, I’m dying. But I’ve got a plan.”

“What plan?”

“Rrrrr….not dying; see, fine!”

Rory hauled the Doctor to his feet. “Rubbish plan. And you are most definitely _not_ fine; well, not yet anyways. Come along, Amy. We’ve got a runaway kid to catch.”

“But the Doctor!”

“He’ll be fine. Probably. Just have to get him to the TARDIS, then we’ll go from here.”

“Don’t you mean there?”

“I meant what I said. En Avante!”

* * *

Rory merely watched as the Teselecta’s crew succumbed to the Antibodies.. “Sorry, chaps. She kills the Doctor, true enough. But you’re forgetting two things. One, that’s my daughter. And two…”

He knelt down beside the only remaining live crew member: the Captain. “Two…I’m the Master. And no one kills the Doctor but me. So, basically…run.”

The captain disappeared in a flash of light.

Rory stood, brushed his hands on his trousers, and straightened his jacket. “Right. First thing I’m doing after this is getting a proper coat. Not nearly enough pockets in this one.”

It was then he noticed her. Noticed what must’ve been clearly written on her face. “Oh, come on. Don’t give me that look. You know what they did, what they planned to do. Did you really think they’d stop at torturing her? No, of course not. Them and their precious ‘Justice Department’.”

He practically spat the last phrase. “Justice. The second greatest lie in the universe. Well, maybe third. They would have executed her, timeline be damned. Its what they do. They ‘give them hell’. I merely returned the favor.”

“But they were _good_ people!”

“Really? If they were really such ‘good people’, Amy, then tell me; what were they doing torturing like some of the bad ones? There’s no such thing as a good man, Amelia. I would’ve thought the Doctor taught you that, at least.”

His hands flew over the controls. “And here…we…go. Hello, Melody Pond! You are the most grounded little girl in existence right now!”

River practically sank to the floor. “…Dad?”

“Got it in one, sweetie. Daddy’s here. Now, here’s where I do the bit that the Doctor really won’t like. Teselecta AI? You still active?”

_“…Status: Active.”_

“Excellent. Now, Teselecta AI (not really a good name is it, that, Teselecta AI, needs work, how bout…Tango, yeah, that’ll work), ‘scuse me, Tango, do you have files on the being known as the Master?”

_“…Records available.”_

“Display the Master’s current appearance.”

The pixels of the robot began to blur, floating, coalescing into a very familiar shape…

River slowly pushed herself up off the floor. “Wha…Dad…this isn’t…funny…”

“I quite agree, sweetie. Nothing funny at all about it. Did you really think the Silence just so happened to choose I and your mother based on _chance?_ That they just cooked themselves a Time Lord from a single spark of the Time Vortex? Please! They knew _exactly_ what they were doing. Admittedly, they had no idea there was a chance of me ‘waking up’, so to speak; if they had, we might never have gotten this far.”

“…We?”

“Oh, me and some friends of mine. Well, I say friends. More like family. Long story short: I’m here for two reasons. One, to keep Amy safe. And two…no one kills the Doctor but me. Not even my daughter.”

“You’re…a bit late…sweetie. I know…all about you.” River was standing now. “The Master of Death. The second greatest renegade Gallifrey ever produced. Maybe you’ve always been my dad; maybe you haven’t. It wouldn’t be the first time you’ve taken a new body to cheat death. Trakken, wasn’t it? Rather a habit of yours.”

“And your point is?”

“My point is, sweetie, that either way, as far as I’m concerned…you killed my father. And now you’re walking around in his corpse.”

“Depends on your point of view. Now, I really hate doing this (and I mean really, really, hate). But there’s a certain flow of events coming. Ones too important for even me to disrupt. So, before anything else, I just want to say…I’m sorry.”

“…The Master never says he’s sorry.”

“He does now.”

“…You’re lying.”

“Rule One: the Doctor lies. Rule Two: the Master never has to. I truly am sorry, Melody. I am so, so sorry. But this has to happen. And I’m not too inclined to rely on the innate goodness of your heart.”

He stabbed one last control on the panel…and the red beam from before spat out of the Teselecta to surround River.

“Can’t have you running off now, can we sweetie? Tango; you still with us?”

_“Status: Active.”_

“Access files on River Song. Display current appearance.”

Once more, the Teselecta shifted on the Master’s orders. And once more, River Song’s face froze in an expression of horror and understanding.

“That’s…no…it can’t…its...”

For a split second, Amy could clearly see just how much of her daughter was as lost as her father had been. “It’s _me.”_

“Not yet. But someday. Get it now? You’ve completed your programming’s directive; you’ve killed the Doctor. He’s dying, right here, right now. As of this moment, in the eyes of the Silence, you have no purpose. The second his hearts stop beating, so do yours. A weapon without a target is something the Silence can’t afford to have. Especially when this, when _River Song,_ is one of your possible futures.”

She swallowed. “…Can you stop it?”

Amy’s knuckles were white from gripping the chair in front of her.

“…No. But _you_ can. If we drain some of your regenerations into the Doctor at the exact moment of his death, it should bring him back, and fool your own body enough to convince the Silence you’re dead as well. Well, long enough for us to work something else out.”

“…Promises, promises.”

“Cross my hearts, sweetie. Well? What’s it gonna be? Trust the man who you claim got your precious dad killed, or give me a head start on planning a double funeral?”

River’s eyes bounced from the Teselecta, to the Doctor, then back again. “…Do it.”

“Right-o. And here…”

A stabbed button.

“…we...”

A leap into the TARDIS.

“… _Go.”_

_BONG._

_BONG._

_BONG._

* * *

River’s eyes cracked open. “…Did it work?”

Rory ran his fingers over hers. “Yup. All good now. Well, I say good. Probably got a lot more to take care of. But that can wait.”

“…And…the Doctor?”

Amy’s glanced over to see him leaning against the TARDIS. “He’s here. Thanks to you. Next time you agree to give up your regenerations, you might want to be a bit less generous.”

Rory laughed. “Generous. That’s one way of putting it. You practically shoved everything you had left through the connection. Almost ended up killing you anyway. Fortunately, I am a genius.”

Amy slapped the back of his head. “Ego much.”

“Let’s see _you_ try and reverse the flow of nonessential regeneration energy back into the provider without killing both people involved. Til then, yes, ego, genius.”

A nurse stepped forward to stand beside the bed. “I’m afraid she needs to rest, now. It won’t be long at all before she’s back on her feet. She’ll be fine.”

The Doctor uncrossed his arms. “No. She won’t be fine.”

He slowly placed a bright blue journal down on the nightstand. “She will be…amazing.”

Rory smirked. “And fantastic.”

“Naturally. So. Trip’s over. What happens now?”

Rory frowned. “Now? Now…”

He sighed. “To tell you the truth, I don’t know. Its up to Amy, now. Traveling with you, back too Leadworth, stay here with our daughter…its her decision.”

The two Time Lords both looked at her. Just like old times; her boys, waiting on her orders.

She rubbed her arms. Why was it so cold in here? “I think…”

“Yes?”

“I think that…we should stay. For now.”

“…You’re sure, Pond?”

Rory snorted. “What, don’t trust me with her Doctor? Relax; the only family I have is here. Where else would I go? I’ll be here whenever you feel like dropping in.”

She took a step forward. “Yeah, dropping in. Speaking of, whenever you just so happen to do that…maybe a trip, now and then?”

“…Of course, Pond. Til then, I guess. River. …Master.”

“Not here, Doctor. Not now, at least. For now, I’m still Rory. That being said, if on one of our little excursions it comes down to saving you or Amy, I’m still picking her. And I may be a bit less inclined to follow your rules. Specifically the ones against physical violence.”

“…Understandable. Just so long as you don’t try anything with the TARDIS while my back is turned.”

“Who, me?”

“Just so. Til next time, then.”

As the TARDIS disappeared, Amy found herself watching Rory and River instead. Her daughter…and her husband. Both so very different from what they should have been. But they were still hers. And she would take every single second with them that she could get.


	3. You Who Grew Up Tall And Proud

I own nothing. Least of all this.

* * *

_The God Complex, As Told From The Master’s POV_

3) YOU WHO GREW UP TALL AND PROUD

The Master groaned and banged his head against the console. “Seriously, Doctor? I always knew you were suicidal, but trying to drag all of us along with you? Bad form, old chap, bad form.”

 _“What?_ What on Earth could _possibly_ be wrong with Apulapachia?”

River swiveled the display around. “Do you want the list in chronological order, or alphabetical?”

“Oh, come on! Its Apulapachia! Sweeping vistas, silver towers, the views of a lifetime! Ranked seventh place in ‘Destinations For The Discerning Inter-Galactic Traveler!”

Amy leaned back on the console beside him. “Only seventh? Why aren’t we goin’ to number one?”

River’s fingers began flying over the keyboard. “Because saying something is the best always automatically makes it more popular, mummy dear. In short, it’s now a tourist trap.”

The Doctor snapped and pointed. “Exactly! Planet of the coffee shops; how dreadfully boring.”

Another groan. “And right now, boring would be _infinitely_ better than where you’ve just so happened to land us.”

Amy pushed herself up straight. “Why, where’ve we landed?”

River spun the display in her direction. “Around four hundred years later than he was aiming, I think. At the height of the GEN-7 outbreak.”

The Doctor jerked. “What? No, that’s ridiculous, it couldn’t possibly have…”

Apparently, he’d finally realized exactly where River was pointing on the screen.

“Ah. Well. Four hundred-ish. Closer to five hundred. So, technically, you could say we were both in the wrong.”

This time, the groans came in unison.

“…Somehow, that didn’t sound like agreement.”

The Master glared. “Can’t imagine why. Right; this is the third time in a row you’ve done this. I’m picking this time.”

He didn’t miss the quickly whispered “Can he do that?” Amy threw River’s way. He did, however, ignore it.

“Now then; how bout Ravan-Skala? The people there are six hundred feet tall; you have to use a hot-air balloon just to talk to them! And the Tourist Information Center! Mmm! Just exquisite!”

“I thought we were trying to _avoid_ tourist traps.”

“Ah, and you’d be right Amy! We’re not going for anywhere the Center can point us to; we’re going for where its _located._ Tell her, Doctor.”

The Doctor sighed. “The Ravan-Skala Tourist Information Center is located inside one of the hats of its indigenous population.”

“Oh come on, Doctor! You left out the best part! Go on; reveal exactly what type of hat this infamous Tourist Center just so happens to be!”

Realization blossomed on River’s face. “Oh, you have got to be kidding me…”

“What?” Amy swiveled her head back and forth between the two. “What am I missing?”

The Doctor’s voice dropped into a monotone. “The specific shape chosen for the Ravan-Skalan Tourist Information Center, in a very illustrious contest I might add, spanned the entirety of seven planets and over thirty years,…”

The Master slapped him on the back of the head. “Quit stalling, you moron.”

The Doctor glared. “Yes, well, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted…the final design chosen for the Ravan-Skalan Tourist Information Center was…a brilliant, ruby-colored, fez.”

Amy slowly looked from River, to the Master, and then back again. “…Are you thinkin’ what I’m thinkin’?”

River grinned. “That we’re about to rid the universe of quite possibly the largest crime against fashion in history? Yes; yes, I think we are.”

Amy grinned. “The planet of Ravan-Skala it is!”

The Master’s expression matched hers exactly as he threw the lever. “En Avante!”

And thus the planet of Apulapachia, the GEN-7 plague, and the Two Streams facility were all (fortunately) avoided.

* * *

“…This is wrong.”

Amy slammed the TARDIS doors shut. “Yeah, I can see that!”

“No, I mean this is physically, completely, and utterly _wrong.”_

The Doctor laughed. “Admit it; you’re out of practice. Two thousand years’ll do that to you.”

The Master glared. “And which of us actually managed to pass the test to fly these things? I’m telling you, I locked the coordinates for Ravan-Skala into the TARDIS _perfectly._ But these readings…best I can figure, we’re on a human colony vessel. Albeit one apparently built by aliens.”

River poked her head around the console. “Much as I hate to admit it, he’s right. The TARDIS is refusing to admit we’re anywhere but where we’re supposed to be.”

The Doctor’s smile vanished. “Ah. Well, that explains that.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Funny thing about the old girl; she doesn’t always take you where you want to go…but she always takes you where you need to go.”

Amy blinked. “…So when River says we’re where we’re supposed to be…”

He finished the sentence. “She means it literally. Frankly, I’m still not sure its not a trap. Traps are my flirting, after all, I’m pretty good at recognizing one when I see it.”

“Gun in four pieces.”

“Not technically a trap, so it doesn’t count. I mean it; this smells fishy to me.”

“That’s just the fish fingers.”

He shrugged. “If you say so. I’m still taking my screwdriver.”

Amy scoffed. “What, _you_ have a sonic screwdriver?”

“ _Laser_ screwdriver. Who’d have sonic?”

River emerged from behind the console. “Speak for yourself.”

He stepped forward to block her path. “Hold on; just where do you think _you’re_ going?”

She rolled her eyes. “Isn’t it obvious, sweetie? If the TARDIS thinks there’s something we need to take care of here, she’s not gonna let us leave until its dealt with, whatever it is. And if it really is a trap, then aren’t you just the least bit curious about who set it?”

“Curiosity killed the cat, dearie.”

“And satisfaction brought it back. Come on, gang; the sooner we finish up here, the sooner we can get back to ridiculing a certain somebody’s fashion sense.”

“Oi! Don’t dis the fez; fezzes are cool!””

“They really _aren’t._ ” mumbled Amy.

He ignored them in favor of trying to intimidate his daughter away from the door.

It didn’t work. It never did. “…Fine. Twenty minute adventure. In and out.”

River gave him a particularly fake smile as she brushed past him on the way out. Funny; that was the most physical contact they’d had since Berlin. To be expected; she still didn’t fully believe him about the whole Chamaeleon Arch thing. In an ironic turn of events, the Doctor actually trusted him more than his own kid.

He sighed as he followed her out of the TARDIS. “And if we just so happen to get stuck here for longer than that, I’m reserving the right to begin shooting things at random.”

The Doctor snorted. “As if you wouldn’t do that anyways.”

“True.”

* * *

“So…human colony ship, you said?”

He shrugged. “Seemed logical. Who else do you know that would go through the trouble of bringing along a fake cheese plant?”

The Doctor sniffed the object in question. “Good point. Still, very well done replica.” His hand scooped an apple from the bowl next to the plant. “Seriously…” he took a bite out of it, “…Whoever did this, I am shaking his slash her hand slash tentacle.”

The Master ignored him in favor of concentrating on the walls. Specifically, the pictures on them. “Commander Halke, defeat. Tim Heath, having his picture taken. Lady Silver-Tear, Daleks.”

Amy cut in from the other side of the room. “Paige Barnes, other people’s socks. Tim Nelson, balloons. Novice Prin, sabrewolves. Royston Luke Gold, Plymouth. Lucy Hayward, that brutal gorilla…”

He wondered… “People’s fears or people’s fates?”

The Doctor turned. “Sorry, what?”

He pointed. “The captions. Are they what people were afraid of…or what they died to?”

River cut in. “Considering this could be a trap, why can’t they be both?”

“I didn’t wanna be the first to mention it. And can someone turn that bloody music off? No, wait, hold on…”

He stomped over and ripped the reel out of the player. “You don’t take over the entirety of Britain with a psychic satellite network without learning the absolute best way to go about mind controlling people…”

His screwdriver whirred. “…It’s in the undertones.”

He shoved the reel back in, and pressed play. The music was gone, now, leaving behind only a single phrase, repeating over and over.

_“Praise him. Praise him. Praise him Praise hi..”_

**BZZZZAT!**

“Right, that’s enough of that. I’d say the odds of ‘trap’ have just skyrocketed.”

Amy nodded. “Definitely. Wait, hang on, take over all of Britain?”

“With a psychic satellite network. Don’t forget that bit, it’s very important.”

The Doctor laughed. “In more than one way. It’s how I managed to beat him that time around.”

He tilted his head in acknowledgement. “A rather Pyrrhic victory, though. I think practically everyone lost at least something that day.”

The Doctor’s eyes glazed over in recollection. “Yeah; I guess they did. I went back and checked, you know. After Berlin. When you got erased from Time, Archangel went with you. And it didn’t come back when you did. Still haven’t figured that bit out yet. Long story short, there’s no one left on Earth that remembers Harold Saxon that didn’t live it.”

“…I remember.” River’s voice seemed awfully small all of a sudden.

An awkward silence settled over the room.

He clapped his hands together. “Right; that’s enough of that. Shall we check in?”

He hit the bell.

And then immediately spun and disintegrated the chair leg being brandished in his direction.

“…Blimey, that was quick.”

“WE SURRENDER!”

Lovely. “A Tivolian. Fantastic. You know, I’ve lost count of the times I’ve conquered Tivoli. Really must go and do it again, I try to make it a point whenever I get a new face…”

The Tivolian bowed deeply. “We’d be honored, sir. Tell me, whose name should I begin inserting into our National Anthem?”

Oh, he’d missed this. “You can call me…the Master.”

Somehow, the Tivolian managed to go even paler.

Oh, right. “And these are my compadres, Amy Pond, River Song, and the Doctor. And your names are?”

The lady in scrubs slowly dropped her now chair leg-less arm. “…Rita. And this is Howie and…Gibbis.”

There was no mistaking that tone. “Ah. First time meeting an alien, yeah? Doctor, I believe this is your area of expertise.”

The Doctor gave him a mocking salute and stepped forward. “So. Hello, everyone.”

Rita was, apparently, having none of that. “Why should we trust you? Any of you? When we came around the corner, your pupils were perfectly normal. You were _expecting_ us.”

The Doctor held up a finger. “Technically, we were only expecting _somebody._ And considering we rather suspected this place was a trap from the start, you’ll have to excuse my…colleague…for his rather understandable reaction. He doesn’t like it when people point things at him.”

River scoffed. “You’re one to talk…”

The Doctor shushed her. “Now, am I correct in assuming you’ve all landed here under mysterious circumstances?”

They all nodded.

“Right. And the very first thing you did upon arriving was either go exploring, or decide to stay put here in reception. So, what I want to know is, if you chose the second option, why weren’t you here? And if you chose the first, how on Earth did you manage to get here literally seconds after we rang the check-in bell?”

The short one, Howie, crossed his arms. “We didn’t hear; we don’t know. We didn’t even know how to get back here, to reception. The walls move. Everything changes.”

The Doctor snapped back to Rita. “You, clever one. What’s he talking about?”

“The corridors twist and stretch. Rooms vanish and pop up somewhere else. It's like the hotel's alive.”

Howie cut in. “Yeah, and its, huge, with like, no way out.”

He couldn’t help it. “Have you tried the _front door?_ ”

Rita responded in kind. “No, in two days, it _never_ occurred to us to try the front door. Thank _God_ you’re here.”

“You know, I think that’s the first time anyone’s said that about me, even sarcastically.”

“Can’t imagine why.”

“Oh, I _like_ you.”

Amy slapped him again.

The Doctor threw open the front doors to reveal…bricks. “They’re not doors, they’re walls. Walls that look like doors. Door-walls, if you like, or dwalls. Woors even, though you’d probably got it when you said they weren’t doors. I mean, the windows are…”

Yet more bricks. “Right, big day if you’re a fan of walls.”

“Its not just the walls. The rooms have…things…in them.”

Wait, what.

The Doctor perked up at Rita’s remark. “Things? Hello! What kind of things? Interesting things? I love things, ask anyone.”

River nodded and mouthed ‘He really does’.

Before he could ramble any further on, Rita managed to silence him with just two word. “Bad dreams.”

“…Well that killed the mood.”

He stopped glaring at the Tivolian just long enough to add his own contribution to the conversation. “And quite possibly a large number of people as well. Bad dreams tend to do that. I should know; I’ve been one often enough.”

Amy hip-checked him. “Hush, you.”

“Yes, sweetie.”

The Doctor ignored the pair of them. “You lot. How did you get here?”

Rita shrugged. “I don't know. I'd just started my shift. I must have passed out, because suddenly I was here.

Howie pushed his glasses back up on his nose. “I was blogging. Next thing, this.”

Gibbis’ eyes bounced back and forth between the Doctor and the Master. “Oh, I was at work. I'm in Town Planning. We're lining all the highways with trees so invading forces can march in the shade.”

“Oh, good. I do so love a people who actually consider the comfort of their conquerors.”

Gibbis, being a Tivolian, missed his sarcasm entirely. “Oh yes, its very nice for them.”

Everyone elected to make various noises of agreement rather than let an awkward silence ensue. It did anyway.

“…So, what have we got: People snatched from their lives and dropped into an endless, shifting maze that looks like a 1980s hotel with bad dreams in the bedrooms. Well, apart from anything else, that's just rude.”

* * *

“What’s a TARDIS?”

He could only stare at the now empty stairwell. “Amongst other things that are mostly incomprehensible to apes like you, it’s our way out.”

“Oh never mind him, he always insults species when he’s upset.” River sighed. “I wish I could say it wasn’t a Time Lord trait. Long story short, our ride home is apparently…gone.”

“…Okay, that’s bad.”

“Well we’re certainly at least three buses, a long walk, and eight quid in a taxi away from good.” The snark was coming of its own accord now, he wasn’t even bothering to engage his brain to ensure it was at least half decent. “Right; what else or _who_ else have we got to work with?”

Rita answered first. “Joe. But he’s…tied up at the moment.”

He groaned. “Seriously? What is it with the puns? Such a shame; I was actually liking you up til then. C’mon then; let’s go speak to Joe. But first…”

**BZZZAT!**

“If anyone else notices musak being pumped in anywhere else, could you possibly see your way clear to doing something rather violent to the source? Its actually a subliminal message that in no way, shape, or form, has absolutely any chance of being good for you. Now then; En Avante!”

* * *

“There’s a room here for everyone, Doctor. Even you. Even…” Joe’s eyes swung in River’s direction, “…for her.”

“You said you’d seen the light now.”

“Nothing else matters any more. Its like these things. I used to _hate_ them. They make me laugh now. Gottle o’geer, gottle o’geer.”

_Hahahahahahahahahaha….!_

**BZZZAT!**

“Boring conversation anyway.” He twirled his screwdriver. “Rule Three: I’m the only one that gets away with laughing like a psychopath ‘round here. Do it again, and I’ll personally remove your esophagus through your rectum.”

Joe swallowed. “…You should go. He’ll be here soon.”

“Hang on, just a second ago you were trying to get us to feed ourselves to this ‘him’. Now you’re telling us to run? Why? What happens when we meet him while we’re ‘raw’?”

Joe said nothing.

“Right; I think you should come with _us._ ”

* * *

“Joe said, ‘He will feast’. Is there something else here with us?”

“Oh, almost certainly. Can’t have a trap without a hook.” He ruffled Joe’s hair. “Any ‘light’ you’d care to shed on the subject, Joe?”

“Here comes a candle to light you to bed, here comes a chopper to chop off your head. Chop, chop, chop, chop.”

“Ah, ‘Under The Budding Chestnut Tree’. You told me something there, you really shouldn’t have done that. Also…”

The screwdriver whirred.

“…I did warn you.”

* * *

Amy glared at him. “Did you really _have_ to blast through both his kneecaps?!”

“Well, unless _you_ want to constantly have to worry about whether or not he’s gonna escape, then yes. Also, it’s a _laser._ The wounds are cauterized. It’s only painful if he decides to do something stupid. Which, all things considered, is more likely for humans than not.”

The Doctor’s shout came too late. “Hey! Don’t…!”

_Hahahahahahahahaha…!_

**BZZZAT, BZZZAT, BZZZAT, BZZZAT!**

“Rule Three. I would say ‘on your own heads be it’, but you don’t have them anymore, sooooo…”

“Rory!”

“What? As far as I can tell, this whole place is just a giant Room of Requirements, albeit techy instead of wizard-y. Therefore, the odds of those being actual people are approximately nil. As far as I’m concerned, I just popped a couple of leaky balloons and saved you the trouble of hearing them squeal.”

The kid was rocking himself in place by this point. “This is just some m, m, messed up CIA stuff I’m, I’m , I’m tellin’ you.”

The Doctor somehow managed to offer the kid a comforting arm while simultaneously attempting to burn a hole through me using just his expression. “You’re right. Keep telling yourself that. It’s a CIA thing, nothing more. And if a certain _someone_ decides to shoot first and ask questions later _one more time,_ he’s losing screwdriver privileges.”

He shrugged “Fine.”

After all, the Doctor hadn’t mentioned anything about TCEs.

* * *

He blinked.

Then blinked again.

Nope, still there. “FIRE EXIT”, in bold green letters.

It had to be a trap. Or did it…?

“Uh, guys?”

**ROOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAR!**

“Okay, whatever that is, I’m sure it isn’t real, right?”

The Doctor began backing away somewhat swiftly. “No. No, I’m sure it isn’t. But just in case…let’s run and hide anyway. In here.”

What? No!

“No, this way! I’ve found a…”

A door. The fire exit was gone. Room 216 stood in its place.

Figures. Only way his room could have a more appropriate number was if it were “666” or maybe “42”.

“Master, come on!”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m coming!”

* * *

Weeping Angels. Of _course_ the Tivolian would be terrified of the one thing you can’t surrender to.

“Don’t blink!”

“Yes, I know how it works Amy!” Honestly. “Hang on; why haven’t they touched us yet?”

The Doctor waved his hand…and it passed right through them.

“See! Room of Requirement! They’re not real!”

“Amy, look at me. Focus on me! It’s just your bad dream, that’s all.”

“Don’t be ridiculous Doctor, they’re not here for us.” He raised an eyebrow at the Tivolian cowering in the wardrobe.

**STEP. _CLOMP._ STEP. _CLOMP._ STEP. _CLOMP…_**

“That, however, might be.”

The Doctor sidled up to the peephole.

Amy grabbed his arm. “Doctor, what are you doing?”

“I’m sorry, I just have to see what it is. I just have to _see.”_

Yeah, like that’s never turned out badly before.

“Oh, look at you. Oh, you are _beautiful._ ”

As expected.

“Oh, dear.”

Aaaaaaaand the penny drops.

“I think it’s going after Joe.”

He gave a gasp of horror. “I’m shocked, I tell you, absolutely shocked.”

The Doctor ignored him in favor of ripping the door open and bounding through it. “LEAVE HIM ALONE!”

He had no choice but to follow. “Isn’t leaving him alone what got us in this mess in the first place?”

“JOE!”

“Oh sure, no one ever listens when you say, ‘I told you s…’”

What. The hell. Was _that._

Never mind, I knew _exactly_ what it was. Its amazing what a week on Nimon can do to broaden your horizons.

“JOE! JOE?”

“I don’t know what you’re still yelling for, he’s long since dead.”

The Doctor knelt beside the body. “Joe. Joe, what happened?”

“I’ll tell you what happened: the Minotaur that’s imprisoned in this Labyrinth with us decided he was tired of fish and chips. On the bright side, we at least learned that its capable of tracking you even when you’re bound and gagged to keep from praising him.”

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when he found himself pinned to the wall and staring into the crackling eyes of the Oncoming Storm. “Is this a joke to you? You think it’s funny? People have _died.”_

“Of course people have died; that’s what people do! The truth is, _Doctor,_ that I’m absolutely _terrified._ I’m scared beyond all belief that that _thing_ is going to go after Amy next. And if I didn’t make some bad jokes now and then, I might just go mad. Well, madder than I already am.”

“…You know what it is.”

“I have a vague idea. At least twelve percent of one, to be precise.”

Slowly, the grip on his vest collar relaxed. “…Right. We should…probably get back to the others. And then…you _are_ going to tell us _everything_ you know.”

“…Okay. But first…” he bent, and swung Joe’s body up in a fireman’s carry. “We should probably confirm a hypothesis of mine.”

* * *

He shoved a chair under the door handles. It wouldn’t stop the Minotaur, or even slow it down, but the issue was moot considering it hadn’t chosen its next victim. Still, it was good for morale.

He heard the nurse mumbling something about tea, and as much as he would’ve enjoyed a cuppa, there were more pressing matters. Namely, the conversation Amy was sharing with the Tivolian.

“…Listen. The Doctor's been part of my life for so long now, and he's never let me down. Even when I thought he had, when I was a kid and he left me, he came back. He saved me. And now he's going to save you. But don't tell him I said that, because the smugness would be terrifying.”

“You really shouldn’t be saying things like that.” They both jumped at his sudden appearance. “And I’m not just saying that to be rude, I mean it. That thing out there, its drawn to your emotions. Strong ones. I’d advise you keep to cool and logical for the moment. Even if that means criticizing each and every thing that comes out of all our mouths.”

That silenced them both quite effectively.

The Doctor, River, and the nurse were all standing around the body. Good; meant he’d only have to explain this once.

“…his vital organs simply stopped, as if the simple spark of life, his loves and hates, his faiths and fears, were just…taken.”

He stepped into the circle. “And that’s exactly what happened. More or less.”

River raised an imperious eyebrow. “Explanation time, then? Is this one of yours?”

“Rassilon no, I wish it were. Although, considering the fact that my room seems to consist of a fire exit that only I can see, it does raise some uncomfortable questions. Questions we can hopefully answer later. For now, here’s what you need to know: on Earth, there’s a legend. A legend of a monster, born of royalty, that was imprisoned within an endless Labyrinth to keep it from wreaking havoc on the kingdom.”

The nurse frowned. “You’re talking about the Minotaur.”

“One point to the lady in scrubs. And like all legends, it had a basis in reality. I was there, once. On Nimon. I steered well clear of the actual Labyrinth, but I still saw things. Enough for me to draw certain conclusions. This place was designed to resemble the Labyrinth on purpose; no place more endless-feeling than an eighties hotel. And considering this place was obviously built as a trap, I have to wonder just which of us it was made for. Not for me, obviously, but one of you. One of _us._ And the odds are drastically in favor of it being Dicky-Bow here.”

The nurse sipped her tea. “How come?”

“Thing is, this…Minotaur. It feeds on your emotions, particularly your strong ones. Biologically, I think it sends your brain’s chemical producers into overdrive, overloads the circuits so to speak, and then chows down on the remains. That musak from earlier was just the primer; it probably takes a good while longer for the Minotaur to break down your reactions on its own. See, most Time Lords don’t really do emotions, with the exception of our mutual friend here. But when they do, it’s always extreme. That’s why you’re all here: you’re cannon fodder, designed to get the Doctor good and angry enough to do something drastic. The second act, if you will. So, if you have any hope of seeing tomorrow, I’d advise you to bury it. The longer you can keep yourself calm, no hates, no loves, no faiths, no fears, then the better chance you have of surviving. Trust nothing, not even yourself. Doubt is the name of the game.”

“Doubt.” The nurse sniffed. “Right. I’m in Jahannam, surrounded by what are apparently time-traveling aliens, and a monster designed to resemble a Greek legend that wants to eat my brain. If I start doubting my faith now, I’ll probably end up a crumbling wreck.”

“Fine. If that’s what happens, then it happens. Panic is the opposite of feelings; it’s the blue screen of death for emotions. If you’re frozen, you’re not feeling. Still better than just blindly following.”

River snorted. “And does that include following you?”

“Naturally. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it. Do as I say, not as I do.”

“Hypocrite.”

“Realist.”

“Same thing.”

Amy decided then was the time to break up the back-and-forth. “Doctor look at this. I found it in a corridor; I completely forgot I had it.”

The Doctor flicked open the notebook to the last written page and began to read aloud. “My name is Lucy Hayward, and I'm the last one left. It took Luke first. It got him on his first day, almost as soon as we arrived. It's funny. You don't know what's going to be in your room until you see it, then you realize it could never have been anything else. I just saw mine. It was a gorilla from a book I'd read as a kid. My God, that thing used to terrify me. The gaps between my worships are getting shorter, like contractions. This is what happened to the others, and how lucky they were. It's all so clear now. I'm so happy. Praise him.”

_“Praise him.”_

Bollocks. The kid. I’d forgotten to tell the kid.

“What did you say?”

“Nothing… _Praise him!_ ”

The kid slapped his hand over his mouth.

“This is what happened to Joe!”

Yes, yes it was.

* * *

“Howie?”

Oh yeah, that _was_ the kid’s name, wasn’t it?

“Howie. Howie, you’re next. We’re all dead jealous. So, tell us. How do we get a piece of the action? Why isn’t he possessing all of us?”

“You guys have got all these distractions, all these obstacles. It'd be so much easier if you just let it go, you know? Clear the path.”

“You _want_ it to find you, even though you know what it's gonna do?”

Howie laughed. “Are you kidding? ‘ _He's going to kill us all’_. How cool is that?”

He grinned. “Pretty cool, I’ll say. And even better, he’s getting us to surrender to him willingly. I’d say I was impressed, if I wasn’t trying very hard not to feel anything at all.”

Amy leaned in conspiratorially. “Okay, so what are we actually gonna do?”

He whispered back. “We’re going to catch ourselves a monster.”

The Doctor scoffed. “What, no killing? Doesn’t sound like you.”

“Unless _you_ wanna find out what happens to all the people with its psychic tendrils drilled into their heads when it kicks the bucket, then no. No killing. Not yet, anyway. For once, we’re gonna ask questions, _then_ start shooting.”

* * *

“His love was a beacon that led me from darkness to light, and now I am blinded by his majesty! Humbled by his glory! Praise…”

The intercom went dead.

“…him.”

Howie turned his head as much as he could to look at us. “What’s going on? …You lied to me.”

“Nope.” He clapped his hands together. “That was the Doctor. Technically, I went along with this little scheme of his just to give us three an opportunity to talk. You, me, and Gibbis here.”

“Well, if that’s true, then you could at least stand where I can see you.”

“Fair point.”

He stepped forward.

Gibbis gave a small whimper. “What are you doing? The Doctor told us not to speak to him!”

“Rule One, Gibbis: The Doctor lies. Now then, Howie, I take it you still think getting killed by the resident big bad is, as you said, ‘cool’.”

“Yyyyyup.”

“Thought so. Now, the Doctor’s keeping our mutual friend a bit busy at the moment. Its his specialty, honestly: monologues that make you think they’re dialogues. _He_ thinks he’s getting straight answers on whether or not the Minotaur is doing this willingly; what he’s actually doing is giving me enough time to figure out how to poison its food supply.”

Gibbis was still whimpering. “You said you weren’t gonna kill it! You said it might take all of us with it if it dies!”

“Emphasis on the _might._ What the Doctor keeps forgetting is that I’m very, _very_ good with minds. Worse comes to worst, I can always replace its influence with my own. At least temporarily. But best case? Best case…nobody dies. How’s that sound to you, Howie? All that lovely faith you’ve got now? That utter confidence that your lord and savior is gonna come and take you? It means _nothing_ to me. You want to know my real name, my full name? I’m not just the Master; I’m the Master of _Death._ And if I say that you’re not going to die…then you’re not. In fact, I will personally ensure that you live for an _eternity;_ far longer than your precious Minotaur. His species is long gone now, their planet burned in the Time War. It wouldn’t surprise me if he’s the last of his kind. And once I deal with him…there’ll be none left at all. No one to come along and take his place as the object of your worship. How does that _sound to you?”_

Tears were streaking down Howie’s face. “No, no, no, no…”

“Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Because at the end of the day, Howie, it doesn’t matter how much faith you have in something. There will always be something you fear more. And today, that something…”

Howie’s ropes fell away.

“…is _me._ Now… _run.”_

Howie stumbled out the door.

He followed. “Did you hear me? I said RUN!”

So Howie did.

Down corridors, up stairways, round corners, until finally…

Howie collapsed, utterly spent.

“There. You see? No matter how hard you run, no matter how far you go…I’ll always be waiting. I’m a Time Lord; and now, your time is _mine._ It’s not Jahannam…but I’ll certainly make it hell.”

Howie screamed.

And so did the monster.

He whirled to face Gibbis, who’d followed them all the way from reception. “Howie should be safe now. Take him and run, as far away as you can. That thing’s on the warpath now. Do try and stay out of its way.”

He’d barely said the word ‘run’ before Gibbis was swinging Howie up over his shoulder and going full-tilt back the way they’d come.

“…Typical Tivolian.”

Right; the Minotaur would be looking for fresh meat. Best try and avoid that.

It was back to the running.

* * *

As his body slammed into the Minotaur, he had just enough time to glimpse what lay beyond the now open door.

Oh. Amy’s room.

Where else?

For that matter, _who_ else?

“It’ll be alright, Pond; I’ll figure something out!”

Oh no he wouldn’t. “Oh no you won’t!”

Blimey, this fellow could fight!

The Doctor dove through the door, screwdriver whirring. “Where’s Howie? We heard him scream!”

“He’s _safe_. No thanks to you. In fact, if you keep on the way you are, it wouldn’t surprise me if you manage to get every single one of us killed.”

“…Doctor?”

Oh, Amy. That room really did a number on you, didn’t it?

“Take Amy and _run,_ Doctor! Run as fast as you…OOF!”

Right in the stomach! Rude!

The beast’s fist came flying in the direction of my face…just to be knocked aside by a rather irate archeologist student. “He’s right, Doctor; GO! We’ll catch up…HNNNN!”

Ouch, right through a brick wall. Such pain.

Right; I couldn’t kill it yet. But I could certainly wound it. What was it that Reverend was so fond of saying? Ah yes: ‘somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps’.

Fire _one!_

**ROOOAAAAAR!**

He hauled River to her feet. “Now _we_ run!”

A flash of blue scrubs around the corner. “That way!”

Just in time to see a room door slam shut. Number Eleven. Three guesses who that one belonged to.

Sure enough; there he stood.

The Doctor…and the Doctor. The Doctor who forgot the promise…and the One who discarded it. And some days you could even tell which was which.

“Doctor!”

The real one whirled.

“Kill Amy’s faith! Fear of something else poisons it!”

“HOW?”

“YOU KNOW HOW!”

He certainly did.

Poor little seven-year old Amelia Pond. Waiting for her madman in a box. Instead all she got was a bundle of broken promises and three psychopaths for a family.

How else was the Doctor gonna destroy her faith in him?

* * *

“Yep, distant cousin of the Nimon. They descend on planets and set themselves up as gods to be worshipped. Which is fine, until the inhabitants get all secular and advanced enough to build bonkers prisons.”

“Only they didn’t build this one.” He tapped on the screen. “Look. The funds. The designers.”

“…Oh.”

The Church of the Silence. Oh, indeed.

“…Not a trap for you then, Doctor. Or for me.”

River leaned over the controls. “For whom, then?”

He swallowed. “…For Amy. They wanted her dead.”

“Me?”

As one, they all turned.

“But…why me? I mean, I just…”

“Exactly. You just. If you didn’t exist, Amy, if you didn’t _just_ …it’d be a matter of minutes before the Doctor and I were at each other’s throats. Quicker, if I’d actually taken that fire exit. I would’ve had to watch as the Doctor failed to save you. If I blamed the Doctor for your death, we probably would’ve gone our separate ways, reducing the risks of me ever regaining my full identity. They obviously weren’t prepared for me _already_ being _me;_ one, I probably could’ve disabled the prison from the outside. And two…they would’ve known that I would _never_ have left you, Amelia.”

She smiled. “I know.”

“What I _don’t_ understand is…” He turned sideways to look at River. “Why Joe made a particular point of _you_ having a room. Tell me; did you ever find it?”

She said ‘no’ at exactly the same time Amy said ‘yes’.

“…Well, what was it?”

Amy cleared her throat. “It was…the Doctor. Back in…Berlin. Just…lying on the floor.”

Because of course it was.

He sighed. “River. River, River, River.” He reached over and hugged her, ignoring the way she froze at the touch. “I promise you. I may not be able to tell you much of the future, but I can tell you this: That. Will never happen. Again.”

And for just a moment, she was his perfect little girl again. “…You promise?”

“Cross my hearts.”

“…Okay.”

He smiled. “So. We still haven’t seen Ravan-Skala, and I still feel like blowing up something rather large. Onwards, or homewards?”

Amy and River exchanged a look. Amy bit her lip. “I think…home. If you don’t mind.”

“Right-o. Bit of a breather. We’ll save Ravan-Skala for a Wednesday.”

The Doctor whined. “But nothing ever happens on Wednesdays!”

Amy punched his arm. “That’s kinda the point, Doctor.”

“Ouch!” The Doctor rubbed his shoulder. “You’re so Scottish sometimes.”

Yes, yes she was.

And he wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
